Ampersand Answers: Handling Disharmony

Disharmony is part of freedom.

E. J. Dionne in the New York Times
2.12.26 

The Question: 

How do I learn to handle disharmony with ease? 

&mpersand Answers: 

I have a pet theory about disharmony and westerners. Somehow, a whole bunch of us learned or decided to judge disharmony as Must Avoid At All Costs. 

Perhaps that’s why E. J. Dionne’s observation so struck me.  

Earth is a planet that functions based on the Complementarity of Opposites, meaning polarity. Ah, but polarity—not polarization, an entirely different bottle of wine—in balance. 

Which means … if we choose freedom, and most of us do, we have to be prepared to allow for some disharmony because living with freedom is a balancing act, not a stasis. 

Freedom isn’t a place you get to, and stay. It’s a state of being in and out of which each of us goes. Sometimes we have more freedom, sometimes less, but we’re always on our way to more freedom. 

So when you start to feel constrained—and you will, it’s in the nature of reality here—recognize the disharmony as a mere necessary symptom needed on the way to a new freedom. When a person has chicken pox, she never thinks those pesky, itchy spots are going to stay forever.   

But disharmony, especially if you’re in the Must Avoid At All Costs Camp, can feel like it plans to stick around forever. So I offer you two words. Use them as often as you can, especially when dealing with things you don’t like or want. Here they are: 

For now. 

Remind yourself: Do I choose freedom? If you do, use For now as a mantra to remember that the only constant any of us incarnate beings can rely on is change. 

Disharmony comes; disharmony goes. Let it.

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