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We Need to Make America Grateful Again

Although our country faces many challenges, the progress of the past decades has ushered in conveniences and opportunities that previous generations could scarcely imagine. Yet we are anxious, restless and often enraged. Why?

It’s not only about our circumstances. It is about how we perceive our lives. [T]echnology has created a warped lens of comparison. Americans’ many anxieties—about the state of our democracy, among other pressing worries—are increasingly born out of envy. Rarely has envy been so easily provoked, profitably spread or deeply embedded in daily life. This collective envy runs the risk of cutting the threads that hold our democratic system and civil society together.

In his “Divine Comedy,” Dante Alighieri described envy not just as a personal sin but also as a societal toxin. In “Purgatorio” the envious are punished by having their eyes sewn shut—blinded to their own blessings, tormented by the success of others, which they can still hear about. That poem was written more than seven centuries ago.

Today our punishment is the inverse: Our eyes are forced open, flooded with curated illusions of friends and strangers alike on social media. We scroll through images of other people’s vacations, seemingly perfect families, luxury homes and effortless success, and we start to feel that we’re falling behind, even if we are objectively thriving.

Social media didn’t invent envy, but it industrialized it. It turned comparison into a business model. The average teenager spends almost five hours per day on platforms whose algorithms are finely tuned to monetize discontent.

Into this fragile emotional landscape stepped Donald Trump. He successfully rebranded envy as righteous anger. His political project was never about making America great again. It was about explaining why other people seemed to be doing better. Ironically, no one is taking advantage of America. But politics is emotional. It thrives not on facts but on feelings. When you live in a world where everyone’s life—viewed through the screens in front of you—looks better than yours, feelings of resentment abound. And they are easy to manipulate.

There is a real problem that fuels much of this envy, of course. America’s widening wealth gap is a major threat to our prosperity. Americans are angry not because America is failing but because our current system does not feel fair. Today we are less grateful for what we have and more bitter about what we think we lack. [The] notion of the common good has been lost.

As in Dante’s vision of purgatory, our only path out begins with humility and an appreciation for the good fortune we do have. [L]ife’s meaning is not found in someone else’s social media posts. Happiness and satisfaction are the most precious commodities.

We don’t need to make America great again. Instead, we must remember to be grateful for the many gifts bestowed on each of us who are fortunate enough to be the citizens of this great country.

Excerpted from an Essay by Russell C. Ball III in The New York Times
“We Need to Make America Grateful Again”
June 20, 2025

You know, that slogan has surprised me from the beginning. Great again, according to whom? By what standards? What does that look like? I think that’s why I liked what Mr. Ball had to say.

No algorithm should tell anyone how to feel about themselves. Not today, or any other day. For that matter, neither should AI. Some of the stories that are coming out now about how AI is causing mental breakdowns are spooky. Ralph Waldo Emerson maintained that “one hundred percent of reality is perception,” and that man was one hundred percent right.

How you perceive everything makes a difference to everything. If you’re a glass-half-empty kind of person, all the glasses will be half-empty. That’s not rocket science. It means you only have Velcro for half-empty glasses.

In real life, IRL as text message would have it, if you have never seen an overflowing glass, you quite literally won’t recognize one when it walks up to you and introduces itself.

But, I hear you saying, what about all the stuff I see online or in the news? What about doomscrolling? How can I protect myself from falling into the abyss?

Believe it or not, Mr. Ball’s prescription is the best one I know. Be grateful. No, it’s better said: Get grateful.

Did you just take a breath? How about that oxygen? Did you have breakfast? Dang, I’m grateful for ShopRite. Are you clothed? Here’s a shout-out to the person who sewed that garment. Did you take a step today with your foot? Now, here’s something to be grateful for … big toes. They balance our bodies. Did your car start? Did you get or give a kiss good-bye to a beloved this morning? Did you have a mocha or a latte? I could go on and on and on. There are as many things to be grateful for as there are things in the world.

Often when I mention a gratitude practice to clients, they get all existential about who to be grateful to. If you’re a God person, go for it. If not, so? Be grateful that you thought to buy those shoes, and had the money, and found them in your size.

Envy is a rotten feeling. It’s defined as a feeling of discontented or resentful longing around someone else’s possessions, qualities, or luck. The word sources in Latin invidia, from invidere, to regard maliciously, from in- = into + videre = to see. But is that really what envy is, in the sense that Mr. Ball uses it? I don’t think so.

I think we think we’re looking into someone, but we’re not. How do I know? Because you can’t know what’s behind all those curated vacation photos. Is that person … happy? Healthy? Grateful? Making a contribution to the world?

We’re letting someone else drive the narrative, Beloved, and that has to stop. The only way to know the truth behind all that curation is to live that life, and that’s not the one you’ve been given to live. The one you have is the one that’s yours. And isn’t that a perfect cause for gratitude? It is.

Start here: I’m grateful for you.

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Happiness Doesn’t Have to Be

a Heavy Lift

I’ve been feeling a little overwhelmed lately, both by the news and by a bit of life stuff. I wish I could retreat to a mountaintop, but my more realistic plan is to seek out the smallest possible things I can do each day to give myself a lift.

Micro-moments of positivity really can improve your well-being, said Barbara Fredrickson, director of the Positive Emotions and Psychophysiology Laboratory at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. Even though these moments are fleeting, they can “act as nutrients for psychological health and growth, helping you become a better version of yourself, little by little.”

Her research suggests that recognizing, cultivating and savoring these bits of happiness builds well-being, resilience and resourcefulness. I asked how to incorporate more low-lift, bare-minimum pleasures into life.

Look for ‘reverse pet peeves.’ “A pet peeve is something small that disproportionately annoys you,” said Bree Groff, author of the upcoming book “Today Was Fun.” In contrast, she said, “a ‘reverse pet peeve’ is something small that brings you disproportionate joy.”

Schedule a few ‘T.L.J.s.’ MaryCatherine McDonald, a trauma researcher and author of “The Joy Reset,” uses another term for those bright bits of happiness: tiny little joys, or T.L.J.s. Start by listing all of your T.L.J.s. Once you’ve done so, try to make one of them a habit at a certain time of day.

Do something ‘slo-mo’ on purpose. Dr. Sue Varma, a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at the N.Y.U. Grossman School of Medicine and the author of “Practical Optimism,” said that she liked to put a daily activity “on 0.5 speed.” Research suggests that short periods of mindfulness can improve your psychological health.

Find ‘the sliver.’ Sometimes the activities that give us “big joy,” such as vacations, require too much planning, money, time and effort. While you can’t go on a getaway every day, you can find a sliver of vacation life to relish right now, she said.

Some of my favorite T.L.J.s take under a minute. For instance, I have a bottle of rose water on my desk at work. Sometimes when energy lags in the afternoon, I’ll ask a co-worker: “Do you want to be sprayed?” I worry that I’m becoming the office eccentric, but most of my colleagues line up and shut their eyes.

Excerpted from a Well Column by Jancee Dunn in The New York Times
“Happiness Doesn’t Have to be A Heavy Lift”
June 27, 2025

I have a theory about happiness. It’s not popular, but, regardless, I think it’s accurate. Only in the West do we have this chimerical need for everything to be perfect before we can be happy. The person begging for alms on the streets of Calcutta expects, instead, to go hungry every once in a while. How did we end up with this notion of all ’er nothin’, to quote Wil Parker in Oklahoma!

The words ‘high standards’ float by in my mind. But is that it? Really? I don’t think so. Instead, I think we feel guilty when we’re happy, especially in the face of the unhappiness of others.

It’s a holdover, a ghost, a memory of connectedness. We are all connected, and ultimately, we all deserve to be happy. Just cuz.

I like Ms. Dunn’s happiness hacks, but … did you notice that they’re based upon externals?

In itself, happiness, the word, comes from the Middle English word hap- which means luck. Happiness, it’s true, comes from what happens, most of which is external, but if you want real happiness, the kind that borders upon that endless resource from within known as Joy, then bring those externals within.

A wonderful sentence is a reverse peeve for me. It matters not what makes it wonderful, only that it strikes me with wonder. Wonder comes from within. A good, fat series of books is a tiny little joy for me. Why? Because I know what I’ll be reading for the foreseeable future, and I like that place and those people. That liking comes from within.

I’m not so sure about the slo-mo thing as causing happiness, but if it works for you, go for it. Still, slo-mo brings savoring. Savoring comes from within. I’m not a fan of vacations; instead I chose years ago to live a life that does not require that I vacate it. That joy in the quality of my life comes from within.

When your happiness—what happens—is connected to the fountain of joy within, it’s easier to sustain it. Recently, I read the expression ‘look for the glimmers.’ It was poised as an answer to triggers, and God knows, there are plenty of those everywhere we look these days. We don’t need to seek out triggers; they find us. But glimmers, coined by social worker Deb Dana, are the things that bring those moments that make a difference.

So take a moment, and think. What are some of your own glimmers? Things, experiences, feelings, ideas, that give you a shiver of wonder, of joy, of savor, of fun. Keep a list, for real.

It’s easy to let the drama of our world trigger and derail us. It’s equally, if not more, vital to have the skillset to offset that in a trice.

One of mine that will bring me a smile, and joy, and wonder, and a feeling that the whole world is not coming unglued is the physical sensation of petting our cat, Smooch. She’s so beautiful, and so soft, and so coy, and I step right into a circle of love in that moment.

What brings you there? It’s good to know because that circle of love is just waiting for you to take up residence. Welcome to happiness.

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Here’s a universal affirmation. It works every time, for everyone, always and forever …

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I’ve continued asking for guidance about starting my blog, and it’s the same same so far: Wait. It’s not quite time. People are still too outraged to go within. Let it play out. When you feel the outrage turning to enrage, then start. It’s this kind of connection, or reconnection to the Cosmic Connection that, forgive the redundancy, keeps us connected to the Divine, to ourselves, and to one another.

Part of living a spiritual life is knowing what you value. Without figuring out your own values, it’s hard to react appropriately to the world around you. Like Archimedes, lever or no, first, you need a place to stand. That place is always within, and it is foundational and spiritual. The place where you stand tallest, strongest, and best is with what you value. Without that, the lever is useless, and so is connection.

So in the meantime, I’m taking questions for potential posts. AMA spiritual. Please.

Well, I learned something new in these past two weeks. Tony finished editing the second half of Impending Decision, so it was time to go into that world, and make those edits. Which I dutifully did. I finished them Saturday morning.

At the same time, I finished the Historicals, all the front matter, and the back matter for Jaq Direct, and so I was down to Evil Words—that full page of bad habits that I drag both myself and each book through before I send it across the living room to my editor.

I decided (and this is what happens to me when I attempt to skip my intuition) that I’d do both at the same time. I’d edit a chapter of Impending Decision, the Boots & Boas book, then do some Evil Words for Jaq. Yeah, uh, no.

It turned out that I can’t do it. Oh, not true. I could. But not without a huge mental cost. I discovered that two entirely different parts of my brain do each of these tasks, and that back-and-forth was simply NOT on the menu.

So for the past two days, I’ve asked for guidance and gotten that I ought to stay with Jayne, and make those fixes so that we can have our meeting for questions, do a re-read, and then start the read-aloud proofing. Life is so much better when I use the tools I have instead of attempting to use the ones I don’t. Funny how that works.

My web wizard and I are on the books again for this week. Our second attempt at connecting to update all things digital.

I’m still feeling a pull toward Mex! I think the next writing project might be Shrew This!, book eleven of The Mex Mysteries, and that’s exciting. It’s my favorite Shakespeare play. I think I might write the first of three novellas, which are the next books of The Boots & Boas Romances, too. It’s called Assenting Transition, and it tells Geoff and Greg’s story. I’ve never written a novella before. They’re between 40,000 and 70,000 words as opposed to over 100,000. We’ll see.

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I’m happy about Oklahoma! Hex being on the Bestseller List again, and it’s still in the Top Ten. That book has over 40 reviews. Now, I need to get books 2-10, and The Mex In-Betweens reviewed, too. Can you help?

As always, whichever book of mine you enjoy, would you please leave a stellar review, if you loved it? Those reviews are how others find indie authors like me.

Reviews really are the engine that powers the career of an indie author.

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As you know, I’m smack dab in the middle of integrating Tony’s edit of the fifth Boots & Boas Romance, Impending Decision, and it merely reaffirms my long-standing opinion that Tony Amato is my favorite editor for lots of reasons, but mostly because he has an uncanny ability to seek, find, see, and polish the truth of a writer’s voice.

It’s strange, really. At one point, he took out a page of detail and explication for one part of the story. I didn’t even think about it. I trusted he was right, and you know, when I re-read that whole section, I saw that he was. The backstory was superfluous.

The coolest thing is, the genre doesn’t matter. His skills apply. I write mysteries, romances, speculative fiction, and nonfiction. Others of his roster write for academic journals, radio plays, micro-fiction, erotica, memoir, poetry, screenplays, essays, workbooks, teleplays—you name it. His incisive mind can help with any kind of writing.

If the truth of your voice as a writer is in need, may I encourage you to reach out for Tony’s spectacular book-husbanding? Seriously, this is the guy. He’s edited my books for more than 20 years, so I ought to know. Find him here. Oh, and here’s his substack Subscribe here.

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The Making of a Mechanical Heart: Self-Discovery, Joy, and Forgiveness on the Road to Dying by Felice Boucher

From the blurb … “This is not a poor-me story. Boucher pulls us through a series of captivating scenes, from her tough and at times hilarious upbringing in the 1950s and 1960s in Lewiston, Maine, to her days as a single mom and art student in Portland, to portraits of lovers along the way. Then cancer arrives, and a chance meeting with Buddhist teachings begins to heal her heart.”

This book is Ow and Wow woven together so inextricably that my reaction shifted from paragraph to paragraph. This is what the author says about its genesis:

“My book started as a letter to my adult children. I wanted them to know about my childhood and how it formed who I am today. The letter continued to grow longer and longer. I ended up being diagnosed with stage four cancer and given only eight to nine months to live. I worked on the letter that ultimately became a book. It gave me a reason to get up every morning. I worked on it every day for two years. It was something that I just had to do; the stories and feelings just came tumbling out of me. I'm not a skilled writer; however, I love telling stories. Thank you for taking a look at my book.”

I don’t think anyone would argue the notion that these three words … You have cancer … are definite life-changers, but Felice Boucher uses them in a way that’s all her own. The metaphor of a mechanical heart is a great descriptor for how she was raised.

Felice raised her own children completely differently, and once they were launched, realized, although she doesn’t say this explicitly, that she had one more child to raise—herself. Then she set about the task, facing Stage Four cancer, with aplomb, with courage, with fear, and she persevered until she lived into her own form of inner peace.

This book does not uplift, nor does it trample down. Instead, it’s a steady chord of harmony. Sometimes, it’s harmony lost, sometimes, harmony found, but harmony both ways always. I could not put it down.

This is the book to give any friend who faces those same three words. No miracles, no crazy leaps of faith, no woo, just real, honest, vulnerable growing up.

P.S. Felice’s photographs are totally stunning. Find her here for a visual treat, and if one ends up framed in your home, so much the better.

Calling In: How to Start Making Change with Those You'd Rather Cancel by Loretta J. Ross

From the blurb … From a pioneering Black feminist and MacArthur “Genius” Fellow, this urgent and exhilarating memoir-manifesto-handbook provides bold, practical new ways to transform conflicts into connections, even with those we’re tempted to walk away from.

In 1979, Loretta Ross was a single mother in Washington who’d had to drop out of Howard University. She was working at the DC Rape Crisis Center when the organization got a letter from a man in prison saying he wanted to learn how to not be a rapist anymore. At first, she was furious. As a survivor of sexual violence, she wanted to write back pouring out her rage. Instead, she made a different choice, a choice to reject the response her trauma was pushing her towards. This choice would set her on the path towards developing a framework that would come to guide her whole career: Rather than calling people out, try to call even your unlikeliest allies in. Hold them accountable—but with love.

Calling In is at once a handbook, a manifesto, and a memoir—because the power of Loretta Ross’s message comes from who she is and what she’s lived through. She’s a Black woman who’s deprogrammed white supremacists, and a survivor who’s taught convicted rapists the principles of feminism. With stories from her five remarkable decades in activism, she vividly illustrates why calling people in—inviting them into conversation instead of conflict and focusing on your shared values over a desire for punishment—is the more strategic choice if you want to make real change. And she shows you how to do so, whether in the workplace, on a college campus, or in your living room.

Courageous, awe-inspiring, and blisteringly authentic, Calling In is a “masterclass in constructive confrontation” (Adam Grant) and a practical new solution from one of our country’s most extraordinary change-makers—one anyone can learn to use to transform frustrating and divisive conflicts that stand in the way of real connection with the people in your life.”

When I think a book is urgently relevant to our time, it’s sheer pleasure to recommend it. Loretta Ross is a veteran of reproductive justice, and an avid supporter of human rights work. Her insights speak to our time with uncanny prescience. I’ll read this book again soon, it’s that good.

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Are you waiting for a sign?
How about this one?

Does this seem obvious to you?

You’d be astonished
at how often over the years
clients have been surprised
when I said this very thing.

Why is that, do you suppose?

The reason is …
that, being human, we want it both ways.
we want to wynge* and moan,
carp and complain,
vent our feelings,
AND
have NO repercussions to that
WHATSOEVER.

But, Belovèd, think a sec.
How could that possibly work?

Every breath, every word,
every vision … starts within.

If you’re going to go about
With a negative mind-set,
expecting a positive life is absurd!

So have a look at your mind.
Are you wallowing in a vat of ickiness?

CHANGE YOUR MIND.

I am, without doubt, certain that And is the secret to all we desire.
Let’s commit to practicing And ever more diligently, shall we?

Until next time,
Be Ampersand

*I know how the Brits spell it, but I didn’t when I first encountered the word, so I made up my own spelling, and I’m sticking with it because I like it better.