Ampersand Answers: Be the Heroine

Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim.

Nora Ephron 

The Question: 

How do I center myself in my life without being self-centered? 

&mpersand Answers: 

So the thing about being cast in a movie is that you audition, and you wait to hear from your agent, who waits to hear if the producers will be offering you a part in the film. 

Then you have a choice to make. Do you want the part? Are they paying enough? Do you want to work with your co-stars? 

Note: You get to accept the terms of the offer, or negotiate, or turn them down. If you don’t want to be in a Bruce Willis action movie, don’t sign the contract. 

Using a movie as a metaphor for your everyday life is smart stuff. That’s the way we have a say in what roles we choose to play in life. I’m with Nora Ephron, movie producer, writer, and director. Play the parts you want to play, and don’t sign the contracts for those you don’t! 

I had a friend years ago who had to take cabs all over Manhattan to see her clients. She was a travelling acupuncturist. Every time she couldn’t find a cab, she’d say, out loud, “Nope, that’s not my agreement with the Universe.” And I swear, a cab would pull up out of nowhere. 

It’s the same with the roles you choose for yourself. Skip the victim roles—unless you need to have one big pity party to get it over with—and sign up for the heroines every time. So, for my money, the heroine always … goes out of her way, is inherently good, smiles, cares, and always does the right thing. 

Center your primary role in those kinds of behaviors, and you’ll always be the heroine of your own life, which in each case, is the one that matters most. 

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