Struggling the Question

I have a new acupuncturist. His name is Scott Cedeño*, and he’s supremely gifted, one of those healing artists who came to Earth for the express purpose of practicing his healing arts. We’ve done two sessions together, and Scott is optimistic about being a part of the team I’ve assembled to help me get the message of and release Type II Diabetes completely.

On Thursday when we did our second session, Scott asked me a question:

Are you willing to marshal all your resources to finish this imbalance?

He was quiet for a bit, and then he said gently, “I sense a little resistance to it.”

A little?

Since Thursday I haven’t been living with the question, I’ve been struggling with the question. My emotional reaction is, to put it mildly, argghhh. No other way to say it.

So even though I prefer to write on this page once I’ve already realized what I need to learn, I’m ignoring my preferences for the moment to make a point about human process.

I woke up this morning and had to tell my sweetie that something was bugging me, that it wasn’t/isn’t her fault, and that I didn’t/don’t want her to fix it. I just wanted her to listen to my thoughts as I spoke them aloud. It was less for her to hear than for me to hear myself. I need that sometimes.

So here’s where I am with Scott’s question:

I don’t know if I’m willing to marshal all my resources.

What does that look like? Are we talking … money, time, focus, energy, talent, what?

Here’s what I do know:

I’ve marshaled plenty of resources toward this imbalance in the past and 20 years later, it remains my daily companion.

I also know that allopathic medicine doctors caused this imbalance and that I’ve had to do some mammoth forgiveness work to let that go, which I have, except for the moments I haven’t.

I also know that I’ve spent a fortune on various alternative treatments that have improved my experience of the disease but not allowed me to release it.

I also know, and I don’t like admitting this, that I’m lazy in some areas.

There are things I could do right now to change the course of this dis-ease forever.

I could learn to cook vegan and completely change my diet.

I could quit eating dairy, meat, sugar—forever.

I could devote more than the hour I already do to exercise every day.

Here’s what else I know FOR NOW:

I don’t wanna.

That’s it. Nothing complicated. Nothing bizarrely motivated. Nothing that makes sense.

Do I have to do these things to marshal all my resources and release the imbalance?

I don’t know, but I do know this: I’m struggling with the question and have been ever since Scott asked it. I also know that I totally appreciate the fact that he asked it.

I’ve already begun doing one of Noah St. John’s famous afformations about the diabetes: Why am I free of diabetes?

I’m considering using another one:

Why is it so easy for me to be motivated to marshal my resources to release this imbalance?

The thing is that my conscious mind knows that eventually I’ll be able to eat sugar again. Eventually, I won’t have to exercise more. Eventually, eventually, eventually means that the commitment that’s being asked of me is only FOR NOW, and I still don’t feel motivated. Or, I’m still resisting being motivated. I don’t know why, and it’s not important.

What’s important is the essential nature of the question Scott asked me.

I plan to struggle with the question, wrassel it to the ground, hang with it, pummel it, wonder about it until I, like the poet Rilke recommends, can actually live the question, someday, right into its answer.

*If you want to work with Scott, you can find him at Visions Medical Center in Wellesley, Mass 781-431-1333. I cannot recommend him highly enough.

No Entry Fee

Seeds XI, 35

Seed: No Entry Fee

I came across these words because a friend of mine had committed to do an AIDS Walk in Boston. You know the kind I mean, when friends sponsor you for a per mile amount? Anyway, he, being a somewhat strapped student, crowed to me, “There’s no entry fee!” And something clicked in my brain.

There is no entry fee for life either. So many of us have our brains wired that we have to pay our dues, pay the piper, pay attention, pay, pay, pay. Dear One, there’s no entry fee. If you’re alive, you’re part of life. Period.

You’ve already paid the price of life. That price is incarnation … creating a body in which to be here. There’s no further entry fee. Not now. Not ever.

The next time you feel obligated to pay for the right to life, think again. You’re living. No obligations. Entry fee, paid in full.

Be joy,

Susan Corso

Dr. Susan Corso

Seeds are remarkable gifts. Sown in consciousness, they bring you to the most important part of your being—your Divine Spark.

Check out the Seeds Archive for past messages of inspiration.

When you have friends you would like added to the Seeds e-mail list, send their addresses to me at susan@susancorso.com.

For spiritual nourishment, please visit my website www.susancorso.com

and my blogs Seeds for Sanctuary, God’s Dictionary,

Ode Magazine, and The Huffington Post.

Details

God is in the details is one quote I’ve read.

The Devil is in the details is another.

So, which is it?

Both.

Details bedevil a lot of us.

Consider this story …

We just went through a refinance of our mortgage. We had experience in the process so we knew exactly what we wanted when we wanted it, and the mortgage originator (there’s a reason for the title) didn’t listen. Plain and simple. So when the settlement docs came via email, they were wrong. Basically, they asked us to pay interest on extra money that we didn’t need!

No way. We made them redo it which delayed the process one more day.

This is why it’s worth it to foil the Devil and get to the God in the details.

There is a cost to doing business, a cost to having relationship. That cost is attention to … you guessed it … the details. The thing is … lots of details, one at a time, add up to the entirety, the wholeness of anything. The details make it interesting.

God, the Devil, no matter … details rock because completion is in the details.

Betrayal?

I like to work without contracts. They’re clumsy and not always helpful no matter how carefully they’re written, no matter the good intentions. Most of the time, this works out fine. Sometimes, not so much.

Case in point … I’ve been dealing with someone lately who does not do what he says he’s going to do when he says he’s going to do it. To wit, out of integrity. I like him and consider him a friend so I’ve made excuses for his behavior for seven months, and now it has come back to bite me in the, uh, foot.

Is it a problem? Not really.

Am I upset? Not really.

Does it matter? Of course.

It matters because there’s something for me to learn here. That something will be revealed as I put down my opinions about what’s gone down and allow wisdom to be revealed. No mistakes that Sunday’s Google Quote of the Day was:

Wisdom is what’s left after we’ve run out of personal opinions.

Cullen Hightower

One learning here is that the FIRST TIME someone breaks an agreement with me, I need to be crystal clear in my communication that this is not the way I do business or friendship. Integrity is the name of the game insofar as is humanly possible. A death in the family? Grace; excused, of course. I don’t feel like it? Not so much.

Here’s the actual story: Seven months ago, I made the acquaintance of a person who is a web wizard. He agreed to do in-home IT for me, and to digitize my website, making it both searchable and more likely to show up in search engines because of its behind-the-scenes programming. I didn’t understand the process and said so, but agreed to go forward because web people I trusted told me it was the next step.

Over seven months, things kept getting started, but not finished. Then I got an email saying this person wanted to discuss our “business relationship.” Okay, I can go there. I wanted to discuss it, too. I’d ended our previous meeting with my dismay at things not being further along although the money kept coming out of my account. Then I got another email blasting me pretty hard. I forwarded it to two trusted friends who know the person in question. Their responses were identical. The shortest way I know to put is … WTF?!

So, have I been betrayed? On an emotional level, it could feel that way. I am choosing to look at it as if I have, instead, been informed.

Does this mirror a betrayal in myself? If my understanding of the universe is accurate, and I think it is, at least for me, I’d have to say yes.

Did I betray myself? Yes, by making excuses for nondeliverance, hoping against hope that the genius of the person would show up and do what he promised.

Yes, by speaking up a little too obtusely for him to get it.

Yes, by letting it go on so long.

The issue now is no longer whether I betrayed or I was betrayed. The real issue is: What do I do now?

I need a strategy for a/ answering the email; b/ getting the original work completed; and c/ creating a gracious exit strategy for us both. How will I get that?

Two ways: First, I’ll pray about it and do nothing until I know what to do out of integrity; second, I’ll ask trusted advisers to help craft the strategy so that I don’t, out of my own blind spots, miss anything integral.

Betrayal? Nope, or, yes on both sides. Lesson learned. Done. Good. Next.

Emotional Freedom? Sign Me Up

I’d like to have lunch with Judith Orloff.

Her latest book, Emotional Freedom, is a gift to those of us who are often called “sensitive.” Dr. Orloff is a psychiatrist and an intuitive, a self-described energy psychiatrist (I have to applaud her for that alone!) and her passion in life has been integrating the two rather than choosing one or the other. Take it from an intuitive, she’s done a very, very good job of it.

One of the things I thoroughly enjoyed about her book is that Judith uses stories from her own life and her own spiritual process to explain that she, like the rest of us, is working on emotional freedom. She describes what she calls “arthritic coping skills,” meaning old ways of reacting to life’s experiences.

Oh do I know what she means! In 27 years of spiritual counseling, I’ve seen all sorts of us use old coping methods that no longer work. This book is a serious upgrade. She addresses dreaming, and how to use it for growth. She speaks to emotional vampires—those people who are a drain on your energy and how to both disempower them, and learn from them.

Dr. Orloff’s stance is distinctly spiritual and thoroughly grounded in everyday reality. She uses her medical training to support her spiritual orientation. I envy her patients. They have the best of both worlds in Dr. Judith.

Part Two of the book is all about tools for liberation, practical, real, apply-now tools that anyone who is committed to their own growth can use to instant advantage. Dr. Judith knows the secret of relationship; she knows that we attract those things which are unresolved in ourselves. To know this fact is liberating in itself! There is no blame for what we attract; no, there are only things to learn and grow through.

These chapters pair positives and negatives in a very useful way. Consider these from her chapter headings: Fear and Courage, Frustration/Disappointment and Patience, Loneliness and Connection, Anxiety/Worry and Inner Calm, Depression and Hope, Jealousy/Envy and Self-Esteem, Anger and Compassion.

In each of these chapters, the bulk of the book, Dr. Judith teaches us how to work through the emotions on four levels: biological, spiritual, energetic and psychological. By approaching these feelings from so many different perspectives, she deftly addresses the disparate approaches to them in all different human beings. For example, I tend to experience fear somatically. My tummy gets riled up, I breathe shallowly, I become hugely critical. By giving me tools to address the biology of fear, my somatic responses have lessened, a good lesson (pun intended) learned.

Because I was invited to review Dr. Orloff’s book, I read it carefully. I need to cop to the fact that I probably would not have bought the book myself. I deal with the emotions of human beings all the time, and I have my own experience to rely on. No matter, I’m so glad I read her book.

Consider this opening sentence to her final chapter and you’ll know why: “Emotional freedom is an inner peace movement that is birthed from within each one of us, then emanates into the world. The starting place is always you. The more peace you enjoy, the more that energy ripples out to everyone.” And there you have it! This is why emotional freedom is to be desired by all of us—because it contributes to the cause nearest and dearest to my own heart, inner peace.

She goes on, “Advocates for peace must know what it is to feel peaceful.” Amen!

And, “Emotional freedom tilts the tipping point toward goodness. It allows us to experience inner peace so that outer peace can prosper.” Glory Hallelujah! She is so right on.

Dr. Judith, how’s next Wednesday for that lunch?

To purchase Emotional Freedom from Amazon and to receive 100 free gifts from noted transformational leaders such as Dr. Christiane Northrup, Dr. Michael Beckwith, Dr. Bruce Lipton, Shirley Maclaine and more go to: http://www.drjudithorloff.com/emotional-freedom-promotion. For more information about the tour, please visit: http://virtualblogtour.blogspot.com/2009/07/emotional-freedom-by-judith-orloff.html

Favorite Fears

Seeds XI, 34

Seed: Favorite Fears

When I first saw these two words together, I laughed out loud. Why would anyone have fears that they favor? Then, as so often happens, the moment I judged those anyones, what happened to me? I began to see how I have favorite fears of my own.

Mine are historically body-centered. Living in a body is fearful for me. Ouch. Others I noticed were fears of heights, driving, being ill (and being well). In time, I began to see that others had favorite fears: fear of being taken advantage of, fear of feeling like a victim, fear of feelings at all!

So what’s to do with our favorite fears? Well, what do we do with our favorite … anything? We take care of the things we favor. We do what it takes to keep our favorites in working order. We save our favorites in our computers.

Fears diminish when we pay attention to them. That’s all they’re asking for, anyway.

Be joy,

Susan Corso

Dr. Susan Corso

Seeds are remarkable gifts. Sown in consciousness, they bring you to the most important part of your being—your Divine Spark.

Check out the Seeds Archive for past messages of inspiration.

When you have friends you would like added to the Seeds e-mail list, send their addresses to me at susan@susancorso.com.

For spiritual nourishment, please visit my website www.susancorso.com

and my blogs Seeds for Sanctuary, God’s Dictionary,

Ode Magazine, and The Huffington Post.

I Know What’s Mine; Now … How?

This blog is a continuation of Monday’s on What’s Mine to Do because the usual question after you know what’s yours to do is … but how?

Many years ago I had a book on my shelf that I never read. I owned it because I liked the title: How is None of Your Business. I can’t remember the author, and I just looked for it on Amazon and it’s not there. Did I dream the book? Maybe.

Anyway, the reason I’m writing this is because of a quote I read by Drew Rozell. Do you know of Drew’s work? He’s a pretty magical life coach; I’ve been following him for a few years now. I receive his periodic Drewsletter. So here it is:

The Answer to HOW is YES.

Ever thought of it that way? Whatever is yours to do, no matter what it is, there is only one answer to the how question and that is yes. Now, speaking as a person whose major spiritual practice is comprised of that one word, yes, I can comfortably answer the question: what does yes mean here?

It means that you have no idea how the how is going to be revealed.

It means that you live in faith that the how will be revealed.

It means that you listen for guided action to take to put hands and feet on the how.

It means that you take the guided action.

It means that you wait for the next guided action.

It means that you take the next guided action, ad infinitum until you are doing what’s yours to do.

How, dear one, is really none of your business. That’s the business of the universe, God, however you want to name it. If you really had to know the how before you jumped into anything, you wouldn’t be jumping in at all.

Here’s why: the how of anything is a revelation. That’s right, it’s revealed as we begin. Begin anything, and watch for signals from the universe. They come all the time if we’ll learn how to read them.

So once you know what’s yours to do, begin simply to say yes, yes to the wonder of our planet, yes to the magic of your brain, yes to the means to get it done, and watch just how much you accomplish.

P. S. I heard from my wise friends and counselors and I’ve decided to go ahead and participate in Because You’re Beautiful. It launches 9.1.09, and I’ll keep you posted when it’s live.

What’s Mine to Do?

One of the biggest lessons I ever learned in life was the difference between what I can do and what’s mine to do. Huge difference there, really.

First, you should know that the truth about each human being is that all of us can do anything we really want to do. I can hear the protests already.

Wait, I can’t decide to be a prima ballerina at 65!

Wait, I can’t go to law school after I retire!

Wait, I can’t give up my job and pursue my passion!

Okay, okay, okay.

Listen to me carefully, dear one, you can. You can do all those things if you really want to do them. The thing is: do you want that? Really want it. Absolutely, surely, clearly, definitely want exactly that?

So, to the drooling ballerinas and ballerinos in our midst … can you decide to be a leading classical dancer at 65? Sure, but you probably won’t lead the American Ballet Theatre. So what? Do you want it? Good. Do it.

The thing is … I know each of us has a clear and personal purpose for being here on the planet. I think it would be fun to be a lead dancer, but that’s not mine to do, even though I could do it if I wanted to do it.

Nope, that’s definitely not mine to do.

Apply this in a closer way …

This week I received an invitation to be a once a month contributor to a new website reminding all women that we are beautiful. My initial reaction was yes, I’ll do it. I asked my dear assistant to read the offer and tell me what she got. Then I wrote to the website’s founder and asked to communicate with her.

Since then, I received an email from someone who is not the founder, and a group email at that. No response from the founder per se. Hmmm.

Now I’m wondering about agreeing to do this. The question I ask myself is: Is this mine to do?

If it is, that will become clear. If it isn’t, and I suspect it’s not, that will become clear. Now, why might this participation not be mine to do?

Well, several things come to mind …

First, I’ve just signed with a literary agent and I’m relatively sure that I’ll be facing a book contract very soon. That will mean working with an editor to make revisions in my novels, and that can be quite time-consuming.

Second, I’ve been doing a lot of uncompensated writing, and as a result my work is all over the Web. Do I need to do more of it? I’m not sure.

Third, it has been 8 months since I’ve been able to pick up the plot of the seventh Mex book, Wicked Joy. Last weekend I started writing on it again which is a delight to me, but I realized there had been no space for my novel writing, and too much writing for blogs.

Hmmm. What to do?

This morning I’m going to send both the invite email and the group email to two intuitive friends I know who believe in my work. I’m going to ask them to tell me what they think.

The question I’ll ask: Is this mine to do?

You see, I still have some trouble with discerning what’s mine and what’s not. It’s a relief to have trustworthy friends who will tell me the truth.

D.I.E.T.

Seeds XI, 33

Seed: D.I.E.T.

If you have been a reader of Seeds for some time, you know I love acronyms. This one is courtesy of Melinda Blackman in Guideposts.

Faced with her own struggle with weight, she applied her psychology training and created this acronym for one of my least favorite words … diet: Do I eat this?

It’s actually a way of using one’s intuition for a very good purpose. Despite the recommendations of the Surgeon General and the FDA, all bodies are different, and therefore, all bodies need different nutrients. What Melinda found was that by asking about each food she was attracted to, there was an inner guidance system available to help her make choices for her highest good.

It’s a happier way to contemplate that word … diet.

Be joy,

Susan Corso

Dr. Susan Corso

Seeds are remarkable gifts. Sown in consciousness, they bring you to the most important part of your being—your Divine Spark.

Check out the Seeds Archive for past messages of inspiration.

When you have friends you would like added to the Seeds e-mail list, send their addresses to me at susan@susancorso.com.

For spiritual nourishment, please visit my website www.susancorso.com

and my blogs Seeds for Sanctuary, God’s Dictionary,

Ode Magazine, and The Huffington Post.

A Personal UNtrainer

Wow! Have I had an amazing, edifying, opening experience. I met with a personal trainer—who’s not really a personal trainer, or not as I’ve come to understand them.

Bryan Agurcia hasn’t a speck of rah-rah in him. He’s that calm guy in the red shirt in the picture. In thirty minutes, he moved past all my resistance (which was plenty—I’ll go into that in a bit) and empowered me to begin to exercise in a way that I haven’t in years.

I need to tell you that I’ve recommended personal trainers to clients for years, especially personal trainers for exercise. It’s so easy to keep up an exercise program when there’s accountability in place. That’s how I see personal trainers, and they’ve worked for a lot of my clientele.

I also need to tell you that I have some neurological/circulatory challenges in my lower legs that make weight-bearing exercise close to impossible for me. I ride an exercise “peddler” for an hour every day, but it isn’t weight-bearing. So I told Bryan that I couldn’t do any exercise that required that I stand for longer than two minutes.

His response? 30 seconds’ll do me!

Okay … now what?

Bryan listened deeply to me as I explained my experience of my legs in the process of putting weight on them. He heard me and understood before he made even one recommendation for me. I didn’t feel like he was waiting to speak or to jump on my resistance. Instead, he was still, listening, waiting.

Then he showed me two exercises.

One is a squat which he says is the one exercise everyone needs to do to counter-balance aging skeletal systems. Mine has gotten somewhat stiff in its 50+ years. Bryan showed me and then let me do the work whilst he corrected my form. When my legs began to hurt, I stopped, and he didn’t object.

Then he showed me a simple stretch for tight hips. Cross one leg over the other knee and press down on the crossed knee for a great stretch.

When Bryan was ready to go on with more suggestions, I told him I felt overwhelmed and I asked to stop. He stopped instantly, told me he’d call me in a week to check in, and let me be.

Not a speck of rah-rah. Just gentle, open determination for every being to live well and happily in her or his body forever. Thank you, Bryan.

P. S. If you want to know how to work with Bryan, he can be found at Visions Medical Center 781-431-1333.