Archive for February, 2011

Irreconcilable [Financial] Differences

What do you do when you encounter irreconcilable differences in a relationship that’s important to you? I like to think or hope that there are no such things, but it’s not true. There are.

I have one such circumstance in my own marriage at the moment, and it’s uncomfortable. Very uncomfortable. It’s put us both between a rock and a cliff and neither alternative is appealing to either of us.

Irreconcilable differences is a legal term. It used to be used for no-fault divorce, and herein lies a clue. We don’t want a divorce, but our differences in this one area of our life together pull us into a painful place. What to do?

First, let me confide that the differences are in the realm of money as is the fact with so many couples.

Second, let me confide that we both know the reasons for our financial ideals; they come out of our family histories and they run deep.

Third, let me say that neither one of us wants to change our financial ideals.

The truth is I know my sweetheart is right about how to handle money for herself; it’s just not right for me. And I know I’m right about how to handle money for myself; it’s just not right for her.

We’ve talked about going to counseling to find some sort of agreement on this topic, but it seems silly to me. Neither one of us wants to change our ideals.

Why should we? We’re both over fifty, and we’ve found, each of us, what works for us. Do I have to agree with her? Does she have to agree with me?

I don’t think so. In fact, I know I can still love her whether I agree with her, or she with me, about money, or not. The thing is: what to do with the feelings that arise in the meantime?

Within minutes after a small financial conversation [read:skirmish] this afternoon, we were laughing our heads off at our own ridiculousness about money. Let me also confide that the real argument isn’t about how to spend money—it’s about how to think about money.

She end-games, and dreams up worst-case scenarios; I always expect the best, and very often get it. It’s a philosophical difference, really, not an actual money one.

So here’s what I’ve come to. I have to appreciate my darling for who she is where she is now no matter my stance on agreement or disagreement. It’s not even close to the end of a marriage; it’s a chance to appreciate difference in my own household, learn to laugh at myself, and let go a little bit more each time.

Irreconcilable differences? Sure. No fault, no harm, no foul.

For spiritual nourishment, visit Dr. Susan Corso’s website and blog, Seeds for Sanctuary. Follow her on Twitter @PeaceCorso and Friend her on Facebook. And discover your own Inner Peace at, To Me Peace Is … What is Peace to You?

A Good Question

Seeds XIII, 8

Seed:  A Good Question

Many years ago, I had a spiritual teacher who used to say that the spiritual life was so not about answers. Instead, she said it was about questions. “The right question,” she’d say, “opens doors that no answer even approaches.”

Henry David Thoreau agrees with my teacher. “A good question is never answered. It’s not a bolt to be tightened into place, but a seed to be planted and to bear more seed toward the hope of greening the landscape of ideas.”

Ever think of questions that way?

I find that I use questions more and more in my spiritual counseling practice. If I can ask open-ended ones, not intended for answers, but for living, invariably my clients solve their own issues.

Ask away. A good question is worth its weight in gold.

Be magical,

Susan Corso

Dr. Susan Corso

Seeds are remarkable gifts. Sown in consciousness, they bring you to the most important part of your being—your Divine Spark.

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I Quit

I’m not a quitter as a rule. I can’t count the numbers of books I haven’t finished in my entire life on less than the fingers of one hand. I finish things because they need to be finished. It’s not a complicated rule, but I definitely like things completed in my life.

But last week, on Saturday, I quit a task I wouldn’t ordinarily have quit.

You know I do jigsaw puzzles for meditation and for fun. I like the focus and the end result. Well, I bought a beauty not long ago. The Galaxy. Was it gorgeous! [The image above is the actual puzzle.]

It took me no time to put the planets and asteroids together. The puzzle was mostly done, but then it took me two weeks and numerous attempts to fill in the star-studded sky. Two weeks! Finally, I realized what was going on.

The company that made the puzzle, Educa, had tooled the cutting of the pieces poorly, so poorly that too many were interchangeable. Every time I got one section right, another section was wrong! After two weeks of taking as many pieces of sky out as I put it (if not more!), I had had it.

I often spend a weekend afternoon listening to All Acapella on WERS here in Boston. I love the blending of voices when all of a sudden, I knew what I had to do. I trashed the puzzle of the Galaxy—and started a new one.

What was supposed to be meditative and fun wasn’t. I’m over fifty. I can decide what I finish and what I don’t.

For what it’s worth, I’m pretty sure God isn’t finished with the galaxy either.

For spiritual nourishment, visit Dr. Susan Corso’s website and blog, Seeds for Sanctuary. Follow her on Twitter @PeaceCorso and Friend her on Facebook. And discover your own Inner Peace at, To Me Peace Is … What is Peace to You?